LA_MERC_LaTech
March 26th, 2003, 08:00 AM
I AM LIVING A LIE. IT IS A BURDEN I BARE DAILY. A SECRET I GUARD FROM EVEN MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS FOR FEAR OF RIDICULE AND ABUSE. I'LL ADMIT THAT IT'S NOT SOMETHING I'M PROUD OF, BUT IT'S WHO I AM AND WHO, I GUESS, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN. AND NOW IT'S TIME TO COME CLEAN. I AM A YANKEE.
LIVING IN THE SOUTH IS NOT EASY FOR ME. I HAVE TO MOVE AMONGST YOU IN SILENCE, FOR IF I SPEAK YOU WILL KNOW I AM A YANKEE. NOT BECAUSE OF MY ACCENT, BUT BECAUSE OF MY MASTERY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. AND THOUGH YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT THE BIG WORDS MEAN, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND EVERY SINGLE WORD I SAY.
YOU MAY PASS BY ME EVERYDAY WITHOUT KNOWING I AM A YANKEE BECAUSE I LOOK JUST LIKE YOU DO. EXCEPT FOR NASCAR HAT. OVER THE MULLETT HAIRCUT. AND THE TOBACCO SPITTLE IN THE COKE BOTTLE YOU CARRY. AND THE TATTOO'S….AND THE MISSING TEETH. OTHER THAN THAT WE ARE IDENTICAL SONS OF AMERICA.
YOU HATE ME BECAUSE I AM A YANKEE BUT ARE WE REALLY SO DIFFERENT. I AM A FAMILY MAN JUST LIKE YOU. BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO STOP BREEDING AFTER TEN OR TWELVE CHILDREN DOES NOT MAKE US ENEMIES.
WHEN THE WEATHER TURNS COLD, THE DARKENED SKIES CAN BLANKET MY ADOPTED HOME WITH A BRUTAL INCH OF SNOW. BUT WHEN I TRY TO SHARE THE DRIVING SECRETS OF MY NATIVE HOME I HEAR THE SAME, SAD REFRAIN… "I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DID IT UP NORTH". SO I'M FORCED TO DRIVE AROUND AND PAST YOUR DITCHED VEHICLES, WATCHING YOU FRANTICALLY WAVE FOR HELP, KNOWING YOUR SOUTHERN PRIDE WON'T ALLOW YOU TO ACCEPT HELP FROM A YANKEE. BUT YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND AS I SMILE AND WAVE AS I DRIVE PAST.
I HAVE TRIED MY BEST TO FIT IN. I'VE WATCHED YOUR NASCAR AND YOUR MONSTER TRUCK RALLY'S. I'VE EATEN YOUR GRITS AND YOUR CHITLINS. I'VE LEARNED TO IGNORE COMMON TRAFFIC LAWS. I'VE TURNED MY BACK ON PERSONAL HYGIENE. I'VE EVEN PERFECTED THE ART OF ACCOMPLISHING EVERYDAY TASKS WHILE BREATHING SOLELY THROUGH MY MOUTH. BUT, TRY AS I MIGHT, I GUESS IT'S JUST NO GOOD ENOUGH. YOU CONTINUE TO ABUSE ME AND MY YANKEE BRETHERN. AND WHAT CAN WE DO. WE JUST TAKE IT AND SIGH…AS WE SCRATCH AND SPIT AND LONG TO BE A PART OF YOUR WORLD.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. IT'S AS IF YOU BELIEVE THE WAR BETWEEN THE NORTH AND SOUTH NEVER ENDED. I KNOW THAT WE YANKEES STOPPED FIGHTING THAT BATTLE LONG, LONG AGO. WHEN WE WON. AND TO THE WINNERS GO THE SPOILS. AND IF YOU COULD ONLY THINK OF IT THAT WAY, I GUESS THAT WOULD MEAN WE'RE ALL YANKEE'S. BUT IF WE'RE LOOKING FOR A LABEL, THE ONLY IMPORTANT ONE TO REMEMBER IS THAT WE'RE ALL AMERICANS. AND AS ANOTHER GREAT AMERICAN ONCE SAID, "CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG….YA'LL". PEACE OUT.
LIVING IN THE SOUTH IS NOT EASY FOR ME. I HAVE TO MOVE AMONGST YOU IN SILENCE, FOR IF I SPEAK YOU WILL KNOW I AM A YANKEE. NOT BECAUSE OF MY ACCENT, BUT BECAUSE OF MY MASTERY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. AND THOUGH YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT THE BIG WORDS MEAN, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND EVERY SINGLE WORD I SAY.
YOU MAY PASS BY ME EVERYDAY WITHOUT KNOWING I AM A YANKEE BECAUSE I LOOK JUST LIKE YOU DO. EXCEPT FOR NASCAR HAT. OVER THE MULLETT HAIRCUT. AND THE TOBACCO SPITTLE IN THE COKE BOTTLE YOU CARRY. AND THE TATTOO'S….AND THE MISSING TEETH. OTHER THAN THAT WE ARE IDENTICAL SONS OF AMERICA.
YOU HATE ME BECAUSE I AM A YANKEE BUT ARE WE REALLY SO DIFFERENT. I AM A FAMILY MAN JUST LIKE YOU. BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO STOP BREEDING AFTER TEN OR TWELVE CHILDREN DOES NOT MAKE US ENEMIES.
WHEN THE WEATHER TURNS COLD, THE DARKENED SKIES CAN BLANKET MY ADOPTED HOME WITH A BRUTAL INCH OF SNOW. BUT WHEN I TRY TO SHARE THE DRIVING SECRETS OF MY NATIVE HOME I HEAR THE SAME, SAD REFRAIN… "I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DID IT UP NORTH". SO I'M FORCED TO DRIVE AROUND AND PAST YOUR DITCHED VEHICLES, WATCHING YOU FRANTICALLY WAVE FOR HELP, KNOWING YOUR SOUTHERN PRIDE WON'T ALLOW YOU TO ACCEPT HELP FROM A YANKEE. BUT YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND AS I SMILE AND WAVE AS I DRIVE PAST.
I HAVE TRIED MY BEST TO FIT IN. I'VE WATCHED YOUR NASCAR AND YOUR MONSTER TRUCK RALLY'S. I'VE EATEN YOUR GRITS AND YOUR CHITLINS. I'VE LEARNED TO IGNORE COMMON TRAFFIC LAWS. I'VE TURNED MY BACK ON PERSONAL HYGIENE. I'VE EVEN PERFECTED THE ART OF ACCOMPLISHING EVERYDAY TASKS WHILE BREATHING SOLELY THROUGH MY MOUTH. BUT, TRY AS I MIGHT, I GUESS IT'S JUST NO GOOD ENOUGH. YOU CONTINUE TO ABUSE ME AND MY YANKEE BRETHERN. AND WHAT CAN WE DO. WE JUST TAKE IT AND SIGH…AS WE SCRATCH AND SPIT AND LONG TO BE A PART OF YOUR WORLD.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. IT'S AS IF YOU BELIEVE THE WAR BETWEEN THE NORTH AND SOUTH NEVER ENDED. I KNOW THAT WE YANKEES STOPPED FIGHTING THAT BATTLE LONG, LONG AGO. WHEN WE WON. AND TO THE WINNERS GO THE SPOILS. AND IF YOU COULD ONLY THINK OF IT THAT WAY, I GUESS THAT WOULD MEAN WE'RE ALL YANKEE'S. BUT IF WE'RE LOOKING FOR A LABEL, THE ONLY IMPORTANT ONE TO REMEMBER IS THAT WE'RE ALL AMERICANS. AND AS ANOTHER GREAT AMERICAN ONCE SAID, "CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG….YA'LL". PEACE OUT.